A New Start

Hello there.

I have not posted anything on this blog for more than a year. 

I want to use this space to write down how I have been feeling and how I want to move forward (even if I am the only one to read this... just something for me to look back on)

There is a whole list of things of what I want to do and how I want to be. A few of these would be:

• Be more active on Social Media
• Upload more videos to YouTube now matter how stupid they are
• Make a difference for people with scoliosis
• Be more involved with friends and family
• Go out and do more things with my days
• Eat right and loose weight

...And most important of all, BE HAPPY 

However, my problem is that I have this list of things that I want to achieve in my life to be a better person but I have never done anything about it.

I haven been spending the past year being sad and upset with myself that I have never changed a single thing to try and make it better.

I went to work, came home watched TV and went to bed, never seen my family, canceling plans with friends, I mean it got to a point where I wasn't even showing George how much I loved him. That hurt me the most.

Yes, nothing was wrong with my life, I have a great life.

I tried things to change my thought process. I started salsa dancing and I have been making lists of things I want to do. 

This all worked for a while but not for long. I started to fall back into the rut again, to be honest I have no idea why. It just seemed like my mind just kept slipping into the old cycle again.

It hit me really hard one morning when I woke up after a dream (It is going to sound so stupid but it really affected me)

One night I had a dream. In the dream I was at a party in an apartment in New York with people who were my friends, but I didn't know them in real life (dreams are complicated)

Anyway, the party was over and I went to get changed. I was in the wardrobe (which was like a whole room by itself) and I looked in the mirror. Now I know that you should never do this in a dream but i don't know how to control my dreams.

When I looked at myself in the mirror I saw what I want myself to look like. Free of pimples and blemishes, flat stomach, healthy hair, everything I wanted.

I woke up feeling defeated. I had to get changed for work and when I looked at myself in the mirror I hated what my reflection showed. I became so upset that I didn't want to speak to anyone. 

I have always had a problem with my confidence and with how I looked but this was a whole new level. It got to a point when I felt so bad in myself that when I ate something unhealthy I threw up.

I wouldn't say that I was bulimic, I wouldn't go that far. I didn't want to be sick, it just seemed like my mind was forcing it to happen. 

I finally broke and told George what was happening and he was amazing. We started eating more healthy and I even started the gym. I started to feel better again and feel like I was doing something right with myself... until it all went down hill again.

I don't know what happened, I just got in my head again. I stopped going to the gym and I stopped going to salsa. I started eating unhealthy again (not as bad as I was) but still enough for me to feel guilty and start to throw up again. 

To be fair, I don't know if the nausea was because i was in my head again or if it was because I have now got the flu and that was working on me, but I have came to a realization.

My family have just suffered a tragic loss and it has struck me in a way that i didn't expect. 

George and I were driving to look at new sofas for the house and I was thinking about what had happened. All that I could say to myself was 'Niamh, what are you actually doing?'

I realized in that moment that I had no reason to be sad. I have people who love me and I have a good life and I have been spending the past year being sad and feeling sorry for myself because I have a list of things that I want to achieve but haven't been able to do anything about it?

Now tell me how stupid does that sound? Like how ridiculous am I?

There are people out there with nothing and I am getting on as if my world is falling apart when it is not in the slightest.

I am just about to write a list of everything I want to achieve and make a plan for each of them. That way I will be able to have a plan in place to achieve my goals instead of just repeating that list over and over again with nothing to do about it. 

If you have made it to the end thanks for reading about my stupid problems that don't have any meaning.

Please stay strong even if I couldn't. There is always hope and life is way too short.

Thanks again,

Niamh xxx

YouTube

Hey guys,

So I have some news!

Yes, as you can tell from the title, I have started a YouTube channel!

Just to give a bit more info and more fun with it as well.

I'll still post here but more so on YouTube.

If you want to check it out it is linked bellow.
If you good please, if you could, like, share and subscribe :)

Love you all
❤

https://m.youtube.com/channel/UCKdfsZyUE5SVKZOst6BhavQ  😃

Don't know what to bring to hospital?

15 things you will need for going to hospital

    1. Some Pyjamas

     When you get your pyjamas, always get button down ones. This just makes         life so much easier

   2. Slippers

The best type to get are slippers that have a great grip. Below are the slippers that I brought. I know they are not the nicest but trust me, you can get nicer ones. They are the comfiest pair of slippers I have ever owned!

   3. Robe

It can get very cold in the hospital! A robe/bath robe will keep you nice and toasty

4. Hairbands or Hair Elastics

If you have long hair, you will need to tie it up during your operation. In my experience, my hair bobbles tend to come out when I sleep so just bring a few extras just incase

5. Dry Shampoo

OMG!! I don’t know what I would have done I this stuff didn’t exist. Use this just to help your hair look a bit fresher because it is really hard to wash your hair in the hospital

6. Hairbrush

I know it seems obvious but it helps. You don’t know exactly how long you will be in the hospital and if your hair isn’t brushed, it is going to be very hard and sore to get all those knots out (unless you have your hair in braids)

7. Deodorant

Since you wont be able to get a shower, use this just to keep yourself feeling fresh

8. Wipes

For a few days you may not be able to walk all the way to the bathroom. Wipes will help you clean yourself and freshen up your skin

9. Moisturizer/chap stick

Your skin and lips can get very dry just after surgery. Well mine did anyway, especially my lips. This was because my mouth was so dry all the time

10. Body wash

Eventually you will be able to walk to the bathroom to be able shower down (with help of course) You should bring non-perfumed body wash (it doesn’t make you as itchy) I used Sanex

11. Facecloth

Your skin will be extremely sensitive so use a facecloth instead of the shower

12. Toothbrush

For obvious reasons

13. Toothpaste

Do I need to explain this one?

14. Sanitary Towels

Ladies this one is for you! This is essential. Surgery has a massive affect on your body. You need to bring some with you just incase. Some of you prefer tampons, but use the towels. You may not be able to bend that way yet so don’t stress yourself!

15. Books/Magazines

And finally! For the times you are awake, you can get very bored very quickly. Bring something to pass the time and keep you entertained. Plus, it takes your mind of things

My story

My Story!

I thought that I would have wrote this story sooner. 
I kept putting it off for a while, making notes and trying to think of the best way to do it. I just wanted it to be perfect. 
To be honest, it was all just a waste of time. The best way for me to do this is to just write as I go, because knowing me? It would definitely be left here and not get done at all. I kind of have a problem with success ... but that is a story for another day! 
Today is about telling you my journey from start to finish!

It all started when I was 13. It was easter Sunday and every year on easter my family and I would go up to a little town called Waterfoot, where we had a little holiday caravan right on the beach. It is so beautiful up there, the white sandy beach, the freshly cut grass and the warm fresh air carrying the smell of the sea. (We are so lucky if we get that weather over here, so we always remember the best sunny days!) 
My mum's brother and three sisters always come up on Easter Sunday and we would have Sunday dinner, sing a longs, catch ups and just sit and relax with each other. 
A few of us would at some point during the day a few of us would take a walk on the beach. However on this particular Easter Sunday, I wasn't feeling the best. I had a bit of back pain that I was just ignoring. The only reason I ignored it was because I was just hitting puberty and my mum told me that i could sometimes get back pain along with the cramps in my stomach. I just played it off. 
My aunt had just gave birth to my little cousin Daniel. He was only a few weeks old and so adorable. 
When everyone had took to the beach, I decided to stay behind because I wasn't feeling the best. I held little Daniel in my arms and after a couple of minutes I knew it wasn't period pains I was having. 
I didn't want to shout over to my mum incase I woke the baby up, so I decided to just wait until she came into the room and asked her to take him. I tried to stand up and got a blinding pain in my back beside my waist. I didn't know what was happening and I was a bit scared.
My mum gave me a painkiller and that seemed to help a little. 
On the drive back home, I was still really sore and my mum said if I am still sore she will take me down to the doctors. When we got home, I was getting changed and I bent down to pick my pyjamas up of the floor and I looked into the mirror and and seen that something did not look right. I seriously started to panic and then I went into her room and told her to take a look. 
The next day she took my down to the doctors for him to have a look. By the way you need to know that my doctor was a tight ass and always thought that everyone was over exaggerating with their symptoms, especially me! This is how the conversation went:

Me: Hi doctor, I have been having really bad back pain and it doesn't look right. could you take a look?
Doctor: Yes, I'm sure it's nothing serious. It could be because you have bad posture. 
Mum: No! you look at her back!

My mum decided to make me stand, lift my top up and show him what we saw.
He was speechless and said, ooh ok ill send you for an x-ray. He realised he was being an ass! he shut right up!
I was sent straight over for an x-ray. I had to go for a few more test and things before I found out what was wrong. I was brought into a consultants room in the hospital. My mum, dad and I sat there so nervous and we were there stunned not knowing what to do when we came out of the room. Let me explain.
When we were talking to the consultant, he showed me my x-ray, then this is what he said:

Consultant: You have scoliosis. It is a curve in the spine. You have two curves, one at 10° and the other at 15°. 

Never asked if we had any questions or anything, just that one statement! My mum had asked about the pain I was having and he told us that I shouldn't have any pain. I was so upset because I didn't want my mum to think that I was lying to her or anything and I really wasn't. Thankfully my mum believed me! 
We went home and researched more and thats how we got some more information, but not a lot.

           
                                                                               ***

Skip forward a few years. I had been going to yearly check ups and x-rays. The pain had gotten worse, and the curves grew. I knew nothing about back braces and was never offered one, until I decided to have an operation. 
However, all through these years, I had struggled through the pain I was having, physically and emotionally. 
I never really liked telling people about my back. I was paranoid, especially going to an all girls school! 
When I told a few people about it they were good with it. But as you know, friends come and go. I had a few anonymous messages saying how I was really bad at acting of how much pain that I was faking it. It really hurt and brought me down a lot. 
Some people just did not understand because you couldn't see the problem, especially since I was hiding it with clothes.

When I was 18 the hospital discharged me because I had stopped growing. I still went to my doctor to refer me back every year since because I was in so much pain. When I was 20 I then seen another consultant and he agreed that he would do the operation for me. He seen how unhappy I was. I had been to concealing and everything because I was so down with the pain. 
He told me it would be October of the following year that I would be having the operation since the waiting list was so long. 
October came and there was no sign of an operation. Just after Christmas I got a letter from the hospital. I was so happy to hopefully get a date for the operation. In fact it was not a letter with a date. It was a letter saying that the waiting list is too long so they are sending a few people over to London to have the surgery and if I wanted to go give them a call. 
I talked to my mum and we agreed that it would be a good idea because I needed to get it done. We went to London on January 19th and I had my surgery on the 20th.
The surgery went so well and I felt so good after. I mean I was really sore, obviously, however it felt so good to feel so straight. It was AMAZING!
I was let out of hospital after a week and was on a flight back home. I was so happy and excited. 
I wanted to recover quickly and the situation made me so happy. Don't get me wrong I had really bad days and I could barely move, but because I had such a good attitude about it all it really did help me to recover quickly. 
I know that it is something a lot of people just say but I am telling you it really really works!! 

So anyone who is going through a hard time or recovering after surgery and I know that it can be really difficult to do, stay positive!  

Trust me! 

You're all beautiful! 

Niamh xxx


P.S. I know that this post is really long but I tried to keep it short for you all, even if it doesn't seem like it. Here are the before and after photos of my surgery. 

Welcome!

Hey everyone!!!

Welcome to my blog!

I am so excited to be starting this blog. 

My name is Niamh and I am from Belfast, Northern Ireland. I am 22 years old and I want to share my journey with you.

So yes, I have suffered from scoliosis since I was 13 and I had surgery in January of this year.

I am starting this blog to take you through the journey I have been on, the miles it took to get me to the stage I am at now in my life and I want to raise more awareness for scoliosis to help all you lovely people with any problems you may be having.

Trust me, I understand how hard and confusing it is to hear that you have scoliosis and not knowing what on earth that is. 

Don't you worry yourself on that one! 

Any concerns or questions you have? Let me know. I will help you as much as I can.

I hope this blog will help you and give you some peace of mind.

You are all beautiful,

Niamh xxx